An Original, and Darkly-Humorous Poem to Get You in the Halloween Spirit!

Salve Omni!

Happy Saturday, Everyone!

Wow, it has been too long!  I do apologize for the recent lack of posts – the past three weeks have been extremely busy; leaving me with very little time to write.  It always feels so strange when I don’t write or post anything – writing is definitely one of my passions – has always been.  Hopefully I will be able to resume writing 1- 2 weekly posts from here on, with no interruptions. 

Since Halloween is fast approaching, I thought I would start this brand-new post with an original piece that I wrote last month.  I have a teddy bear named Balthazar.  He is a cute, little lovable bear that has been with me pretty-much since the day I was born (that’s 31 years…yikes!  I wonder how old that is in teddy bear years?)  He is well-loved, as you can see from the photos – his fur is a bit scruffy, his nose is crooked, and his mouth is missing (been that way for years now…I couldn’t tell you what happened to it), but, I still think he is as cute as a button!



Sinister?  No way...just look at that little face!
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Despite his presence in my life and my world, my husband and I feel as if he might have been around for much longer than a mere 31 years.  I’ll explain…for some strange reason, Balthazar seems to creep the crap out of people!  I don’t see it (OK, yes I do), but my husband, friends and family all claim that there is something sinister about him.  Sinister?  Hardly!  Strange?  Maybe.  I will say one thing…don’t let the cute innocent exterior fool you!  Balthazar is a prankster with a very dark sense of humor.  We will often find him wielding knives/swords from our collection over some of the other stuffed animals, while shouting, “There can be only one!” in that little timid voice of his.  Perhaps he is just looking to practice his fencing skills.  He often appears in random places…one moment he’ll be sitting on the bed...moments later, I’ll find him peeking in the doorway of our TV room.  If you fall asleep on the sofa, you might just wake up to find the little bear peering over you, quietly observing…disturbingly quiet!

Of course he isn’t this old, but my husband and I can’t help but imagine this little creature creeping out the children of the Victorian era.  I can just imagine this small, quiet little bear with no mouth, sitting on a chair in a child’s nursery or playroom – watching and waiting.  I imagine a very dark and sinister sort of teddy bear.  Although he says nothing and “does nothing”, all of the children who are unfortunate enough to possess him end up dying mysterious deaths or suffer the strangest injuries.  I imagine Balthazar as having a very curious story to tell…that is, if he could talk (no, of course he can’t talk…that-would-just-be crazy?!!!)

My first passion has always been poetry.  I have been writing original poetry for about twenty years now.  So far, I have been published twice – once in a small anthology when I was in middle school, and again in high school. 

 

Recently, I was inspired to write a series of macabre, yet strangely funny, poems based on poor unsuspecting Victorian children, who meet their demise at the hands of Mr. Balthazar.  I know it sounds horrible, but believe me, they are quite humorous and entertaining – great fun for the whole family to read and enjoy!  To get you in the Halloween spirit, I thought I would share one of these poems with you.  Let me know what you think of the poem – I have written a few more like this that I might be inclined to share in future posts.  I am currently working on a small book of macabre, yet fun, poems in this style.  Of course, each poem will be illustrated for the full effect – but until then, you will just have to use your imagination!

And now, the poem:

One Lump, Or, Tree?

(An original poem written by Trijan Maddux, 9-2-2013)

 

Kara-Anne-Mae had a tea party one day –
With Balthazar, and a few other toys.
Out in the open air –
‘Twas quite the affair –
And safe from the taunts of the boys.

“One lump, or two?”

While bending to lace-up her shoe,
She heard a timid voice ask.
Looking up in the tree,
She asked, “Who is speaking to me?”
The last thing she did see –
Why, the little bear, B –
With a saw, on a limb –
And then…Crash!

And Now...Here's a Britcom for the Misfit in all of Us!

Salve Omni!

So I thought I would start out the week by posting something a little more light-hearted today, and talk comedy. To be exact, some comedy from across the pond. I am fortunate that my local PBS station broadcasts some truly great and diverse Britcoms each weekend, which is great, because it makes my looking forward to the start of the week a little easier to bear...especially on Sunday nights. I do love my Britcoms, and there is one thing I have found to be true...the British seem to have their comedy down to an art form. I own a lot of Britcom series on VHS and DVD, and love to watch them, when time allows. No matter what, when I start watching, I feel better. I laugh, and am able to forget about this crappy world for just a bit.

As a thirty year-old female, I have found that my TV viewing tastes have changed. I don't know about you, but I tire of all of the cutesy little TV shows with the "perfect" girl who always looks great, dresses impeccably, and has to deal with the misfits and misunderstood and unpopular individuals who turn her seemingly "perfect" world upside down. BORING! Where is the reality in that? I, myself, like to see things shaken up a bit...I like my leading ladies flawed, with the unapologetic ability to poke fun at themselves because, hey - they're human! It seems that the British do it best when it comes to really bringing these sort of characters to life. I am immediately reminded of one of my absolute favorite Britcoms, Miranda.

Oh Miranda, where do I begin? Written by and starring Comedian, Miranda Hart, the semi-autobiographical show is comedic gold, with a dose of reality and an extra helping of ridiculousness all rolled into one bundle of goodness. The main character, Miranda, (don't worry, I won't include too many spoilers for those who haven't seen the show) is a thirty-something woman living in England, and trying to do what most thirty-something women seek to do - find "Mr. Right", and have a successful career. We see her trying to sort herself out, and believe me, she is one hot mess!

We find out in the very beginning of the show that Miranda has used the inheritance given to her by an uncle, to buy a joke/gift shop, in which she lives in a little flat upstairs. She hires her childhood friend, Stevie, to manage the store, which makes for hilarious viewing as they often clash on priorities and ideas regarding how to run the shop, but mostly on how Miranda should approach and handle various day-to-day situations. I know this might not sound too funny, but I'm getting there! Patience, Dear Reader!

The character, Miranda, is 6 foot-something, not considered very graceful or feminine, likes to eat, and just downright clashes with the norms of her upper middle-class upbringing and friends and family. She is rather childlike and awkward, often annoying those around her with her constant joking and laughing. She is constantly reminded by her mother and closest friends and acquaintances of her lack of success in dating, and always seems to embarrass herself during social gatherings, especially around men. Miranda lives partially in a dream world, (well she does own a joke shop) where her preference for fun and frolicking hinder her from capably managing her own business. Her friend, Stevie, concerns herself with the shop, while Miranda tends to direct her energy towards evading her mother, Penny's, unceasing attempts to marry her off to anyone willing, and the constant chiding and uncomfortable boarding school reminiscing from Tilly, the annoying school friend. Everyone else is seemingly successful and mature and content with their lives, however, we find Miranda still trying to break free from the control of her disapproving mother and find her own voice.

In other words...when you add an upper middle-class and disapproving mother, a goal-oriented and organized to the point of annoyance childhood friend, a successful upper middle-class school friend who has more in common with your mother than you, and the obvious pining for the handsome chef who works in the restaurant down the street, hilarity ensues! However, Miranda always steals the show; not intentionally, but through her increasing social awkwardness and often inappropriate antics.

Miranda personally greets the viewer at the start of each "a day in the life" - type episode, giving them a brief indication of what's in store. Constantly breaking the fourth wall, Miranda will frequently address her audience throughout an episode, inviting them to witness day-to-day life and events from her own perspective. Often a victim of verbal diarrhea, she constantly speaks her mind without fully thinking about the consequences. And her actions -- well, here, they definitely speak louder than words can express! Miranda will often burst into un-encouraged singing at random and inappropriate moments; such as job interviews and funerals. She will often behave in a childlike manner, hanging out in her apartment and conversing with "fruit friends", created from drawing eyes on whatever fruit she has at the moment. She gets stuck in chairs, falls off of bar stools, farts, gets caught in her underwear, gets chucked out of many social events, and has many other misadventures that, well, make her seem downright human and flawed, or just plain odd (depending on your perception). But, Miranda remains true to herself; not apologizing for who she is. And I find it refreshing.

This social misfit is in no way "perfect". She doesn't fit in, but yet she remains positive and hopeful that her life will improve for the better. The show, through the clever blend of female character-types presented, becomes relatable to every woman, but the show is also enjoyed by male viewers (my husband enjoys watching the show just as much as I do). Miranda never comes across as being too condescending or preachy; offering its viewers just the right amount of insanity to keep it fun. Comedian, Miranda Hart, truly follows in the footsteps of female comedians like Lucille Ball, through her use of physical comedy mixed with everyday situations and interactions; reminding us that we can't always take life so seriously.

Watching Miranda will make you forget your troubles, well, at least until you get to the end of season 3.

Okay, BBC...we need the filming of season 4 to commence...stat!

In the words of Miranda's mother, Penny, "Such fun!"


Click on the link below to see a clip from Miranda (uploaded to YouTube from the BBC):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ5Dpx_YUWw

Eat, Sleep and Play Nintendo...Now, Skyrim, It's Your Turn!

Salve Omni!

I fear the worst!!! Well, it's not that bad, but bad in the sense that I bet it will become a brand-new distraction in my geek world. Last night, my husband, who is most often found playing Skyrim on one of our PCs, convinced me to give the game a try. And so, I did. I didn't mind, at all. I will often watch my husband play Skyrim, while I sit, marveling at the beauty of the landscapes and music. Despite my usual affinity for first person shooter video games and games that don't take me a series of days to conquer (very short attention span), I'll admit that I like the fact that Skyrim allows you to run around and explore its worlds, with a vast majority of options and adventures available.

I spent about forty minutes solely working on my character's facial features. I know, I know, forty minutes may be quite a long time to spend on this, but there are two things one must understand about me: 1) I work on things obsessively until I feel they are as perfect as possible (in other words, everything gets my 150%), 2) I like to look good! I admit it, I rarely leave the house without wearing makeup, and I get my hair professionally done at least monthly, so it's only natural that my Skyrim character is going to look good too! Does this make me any less of a geek girl? Heck No! If I am going to invest many hours of adventures in the lands of Skyrim, you bet I am going to create a character that I won't tire of quickly!

So, after forty minutes of "serious deliberation", and countless robotic, "that looks fine!", responses from my husband regarding what he thought of my eyeshadow and eyeliner choices for my character, my character was finally finished! I made her a Redguard (all my Redguards represent!), and yes, she is a badass warrior! Didn't get too far with the game play last night (okay, really it was 3 am), but tonight should be fun! I can see this game becoming really addictive, real soon!

For some strange reason, while scrolling through the many facial feature options and hairstyle and color choices, I kept humming a familiar, and extremely-unrelated tune:

"Da-da, da-da, da-da...da-da, da-da, da-da"

You are probably wondering what in the world I am referring to. No, I haven't been drinking! I am humming, my friends, the beginning of the underground music from the beloved Super Mario Bros. video games. Now, you can argue with me all you like, but this is intended to be my visual interpretation of the song! Not convinced? Let me provide you with some more visuals to set the scene: There is Mario, he jumps up on a pipe. There he goes, down the pipe, and goes underground! And then, the music starts:

"Da-da, da-da, da-da...da-da, da-da, da-da..."

Ah, it all becomes clearer now...doesn't it? I don't know why I started humming this very tune, as I haven't played any Super Mario Bros. video games in months...but I do know one thing - I was hungry...and I wanted cereal...and then, I started humming...and thinking...of a time long ago. (Harp music plays to indicate time travel)

Does anyone remember the Nintendo Cereal System? I do! I remember seeing the commercial for the breakfast cereal, which began with that familiar 8-bit tune I was just humming, and then running into the other room to make sure that my mom had that box of geeky goodness added to her next grocery list. One half of the cereal box contained shapes and characters from Super Mario Bros., while the other half of the box contained shapes and characters from The Legend of Zelda. Both video games were created for the NES (Nintendo Entertainment System). So awesome!!! Here I was, an avid NES gamer, and now, here was this cereal for fans of this gaming system! As a young girl, growing up, I was not considered very "cool" at all by my peers (although I thought I was). All of the gamers I knew at the time were boys. If a girl did play a little, it was because her brother owned a gaming system. Boys that I would play against often had the perception that I could and would easily lose because I was a girl and therefore could not be taken seriously. I just knew that I would be beyond "cool" and taken seriously if I ate that cereal!




I went with my mom to the store, and picked up a box. Now, back at home, I couldn't wait for breakfast the next morning...I just had to eat it!!! So, I did what any other 7-8 year-old would do...I opened the box and ate some anyway. The anticipation was like unwrapping a great Christmas present; you unwrap part of the wrapping paper to see the shape and can roughly guess what is inside, knowing that it is going to be incredibly awesome. And that is how I felt...by merely possessing that box, I felt as if I had truly validated my position as a NES gamer, and by eating the cereal, I would be associated with the other "cool" kids who enjoyed this very thing too.

From the time I unwrapped my NES one Christmas morning, I lived, breathed, and even dreamed Nintendo. I played every waking hour that I could, and even slept on Super Mario Bros. bedsheets! And there I was, holding the inaugural pieces of my new breakfast identity, in-hand. I lifted the cereal to my mouth, and, crunch! Okay, I can now admit that the Super Mario Bros. cereal didn't taste that great, but I will never forget this moment in the history of Trijan Maddux, either. My mom made me eat the rest of the cereal, despite my protests, before she would buy me something different, but by then, Dear Reader, I had learned a valuable lesson.

No matter how cool you think you are, you are nothing until your geeky passion has been immortalized in a breakfast cereal...and you can truly say that you eat it gladly...no matter how bad it tastes!!!

Now, if only they would develop a Skyrim cereal...which should only be eaten from a cast-iron pot!


　

　

 

Hey! These Vigilante Bikini Bottoms Are Really Giving Me A Wedgie!!!

Salve Omni!

The San Diego Comic Con has come yet again, and sadly, my husband and I were unable to go. Instead, I have been keeping informed of the con goings-on via the Internet. I especially like to see the photos of cosplayers in attendance - dressing the part is always cool! It is especially interesting and awesome to see the varying costumes worn by the female cosplayers, and I must say, it is very refreshing to see so many women attending this event. See fellas, women can geek out just as hard!

There is one thing I have noticed however, regarding the art of female cosplay...the choices tend to get shorter and skimpier! No, I am not referring to the choices available, but I am referring to the costumes worn. Yes, it is great to totally geek out while representing your favorites through cosplay, but Ladies...does everything have to be short, tight, skimpy and damn-near non-existent? Often, there is nothing left to the imagination! I get it, there's the famous gold bikini worn by Princess Leia, and many other iconic skimpy and sexy outfits worn by famous female Science Fiction and Fantasy characters, but it makes you wonder - is this all there is to our female super heroines, vigilantes, and video game and TV/movie characters? True, those who fight crime and evildoers for a living don't need to be hindered with layers and layers of clothing and loose-fitting garments that could be easily grabbed or get in the way of an awesome karate kick, but...really?

Not everything should leave little to the imagination. Just imagine...you're a vigilante or super heroine, fighting your nemesis in a battle to the death, wearing bikini bottoms (I don't mean the boy shorts) and a tight corset top. You go to deliver a life-saving death kick, and the next thing you know, your "panties" are riding up, or, worse, they are giving you quite the wedgie! Your mind is now focused on discomfort, which will make the remainder of your battle an interesting one. I don't think your opponent will want to stop and wait for you to shift things...he or she will be counting on any sort of distraction to throw you off your game. I am a woman, and I understand completely the desire for women to want to look and feel sexy and awesome as well as being badasses in battle, but, in my opinion, we can't be expected to dress this way at all times.

I am reminded of one of my favorite video games, Mortal Kombat, 2011 edition. Though I love playing this game with my husband, I always get to thinking about the female fighters. Most of them have Barbie doll-like proportions - huge boobs and tiny waist. Most also wear very little clothing. Even Sonya Blade, who is supposed to be part of the military, and who does wears pants, can barely keep her bosom from popping out as she fights in some sort of skimpy black vest with no bra. Now, if you're a woman, you know that unless you are wearing an extremely-restrictive bra, the moment you do so much as a cartwheel, the girls are coming out to say hello. Especially in a low-cut top. So when Ms. Sonya Blade does that famous upside-down leg grab kick move, well, I am amazed how well "the girls" defy gravity and stay in place! It's amazing, by the end of a bloody match, just about any of the lovely ladies of Mortal Kombat will barely have a strip of cloth left to cover their "girls" at all. Because women fight mostly from the chest...right? Eye candy? Yes! Practical? Not in any way, shape or form! If you don't believe me, play the game.

For female characters such as Mileena, Wonder Woman, Miss Marvel, Power Girl, and many, many others, I often wonder, where do they get all this time to "spruce up"? Ladies, you know that wearing a swimsuit alone requires a good deal of personal maintenance. It is just unrealistic and unbelievable to me to think that these women choose to wear this revealing crap all of the time. When do they schedule time for a bikini/underarm wax? When do they have time to shave their legs? And when it's "that time-of-the-month", well, I know I wouldn't be very comfortable fighting, flying (and doing super-high kicks) constantly in super high-cut bottoms with little coverage. And come on - have we forgotten about the bloating??? Spandex or no, who wants to wear such body-skimming garments during this "special time"? Suppose they eat and drink a bit too much at Thanksgiving dinner - well, I bet you it won't be as much fun trying to squeeze back into that costume! Midriff or stomach-baring garments - not unless they want the dreaded after-a-heavy-meal pudge to show!

I'm waiting for the adventures of the moderately-comfy badass! A more true to life woman, she'd still be sexy...hey, there's nothing wrong with bearing a little cleavage, but her outfit of choice would be form-fitting workout pants or leggings and tank top or fitted T-shirt when she's kicking butt. And on those "special days", sweatpants and a hoodie. And why not sport some wedge-heeled boots or sneakers rather than stilettos? Still awesome, and she won't be hobbling around in agony after a couple of hours of fighting on a rooftop or patrolling the "mean" streets. She'll be outfitted in comfort, which means she can spend more time out protecting the city, than in some salon, getting her bikini area waxed before making an appearance. Oh no!!! An evil villain is destroying the city, and she hasn't had time to shave her legs! Never fear - she'll simply throw on some cute pants and a T-shirt and she'll save the day anyway!

I like to get my geek on just as much as the next girl, but when it comes to cosplay, I think, sometimes, that more is more. No wonder men think that if a woman is blessed with super powers or roams around with superior fighting abilities, that her first outfit of choice must be body-hugging and suggestive, and that she has to have the perfect tiny body of a goddess. What about her skills? Well, I guess no one is looking at that! Just another observation further confirming my theory that we are way too focused on the visual. Sure Ladies, let's look good at what we do because we are good at what we do. But there is much more to the life of a super heroine, warrior and vigilante than running around wearing next to nothing!